seen and heard

Today I had looked up some information about a friend, and it turns out he had written a review a few years ago of a book about typewriting. I hope he doesn't mind me posting this!

Also, a few moments ago, a radio talk-show host uttered these words while talking with MY awesome senator Ron Wyden about the mother-effing economy:

"...they can monkey the books on this, can't they..."

there's no accounting for taste

The other day I was trying to tell a joke to a friend, but I forgot exactly how it went, so today I decided to try and find it online, because you really can find ANYTHING online. As I was looking through one website, under the keyword "drunk", I did not find the joke I was looking for, but I did find this one. (click to enlarge)

capitalism, or, my sweet pea sellout ass.

I came home from having a drink with a friend at my alltimefavoriteneighborhoodbar, and my roommate was kind-of watching the Grammys. The timing was perfect, because I was just in time to see Radiohead perform a song with a full marching band, very interesting, but then this commercial came on with some douchey douche taking pictures all over the place with a little stuffed-animal monkey. I do love how easy it is to google shit.

Today, my troubles are right up close

From this week's Portland Mercury. From now on my monkey count will probably go down a bit, but I have every confidence that this blog will still sustain a daily count: I lost my job yesterday. NO more ridiculous mommy blogs to look at, NO more sorel boot mentions in fashion blogs, tho i still really want a pair, NO more weird crap in the mail. And, most importantly: NO MORE CHIPPING AWAY AT MY SOUL BY SMALL-MINDED, SMALL-DICK, SELFISH, ASSHOLE, EGOMANIACAL, NARCISSISTIC FUCKWADS. For 5 months it was like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and I am now grateful for the opportunity to DO what it IS that i'm SUPPOSED to DO. My former employer? a sad, sad prick of a man who is walking proof that MONEY WILL NEVER EVER BUY YOU HAPPINESS.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.

A man called the office yesterday, when I asked who it was to tell the man he called for, he said "Scott ___ with Sweat Monkey." This is an image from their website. For volunteering. I had a rough day yesterday, so I wasn't able to post till today.

I went over to a friend's house last night, these same folks I mention all the time in this blog. My friend with her kid and also her mom, who is awesome. I asked about this light thing that was on the table, it looked like a smaller version of one of those battery-operated lights that you push and it turns on. Grandma said "The light is from one of J___'s toys, it's a light-up monkey!" Sure enough:

some heads are gonna roll, roll

This from "The Edge" in the Oregonian.

this one counts for tuesday. it has to.

I am exhausted, but in a good way. I brought some work home with me, for the first time officially at my "new" job which I've now had since September. I did a quick e-mail check just now before zonking out, and normally I would just turn my computer off entirely, expecially at this late an hour, but I inexplicably only logged off of my e-mail, which then automatically sent me to the msn.com home page. And HERE was THIS.

Now, I am too pooped to watch it, of course, but just give me this: that I saw this thing SO near to yesterday that it counts for the blog for Tuesday! NOTE THE TIME. And if I have no legitimate monkeys tomorrow I will still be satisfied. Though, hmm, I wonder if I will have as INSANE of dreams "later on" as I did early early this morning. The friend from yesterday's blog was the main character in one, doing this weird performance/installation/interactive thing, while another friend from when I was a teenager was the main character in another. TMI, i noe.

you thought that it was just a sick animated joke!

Tonight I went to see a friend, who happened to have a giant red cut/scrape/slash up the side of his bicep, and when I asked him what happend, he replied: "Monkey knife fight."

Well, I should've taken a picture, because I had BOTH my camera and my camera phone on me, but I didn't think of it. When I did a google search for Monkey Knife Fight to at least have a picture to post, I had no IDEA how much shit would turn up! Wow! So, for all those who want to know more, here you go:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HciyMVDtLdU

I do not expect you to watch the whole thing.

king for a day

This came in the mail today at work, an insert in The SouthEast Examiner, a small neighborhood paper that nobody ever reads. It fell out while I was putting the paper into the recycling. Then I felt like I had to flip through it, and, well, I didn't see much else that interested me...

killer, dude.

So, as I said I would last night, I got in bed and read. I am about 200 pages to the end of The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer. It has been a long and fascinating read. I have purposefully been rather slow about it, because it is very good, and I don't want it to be over too quickly. It is about the events surrounding the life and execution of Gary Gilmore, but at the heart of it is a wrenching, very human and very soulful love story. You just have to read it. Well, there were two mentions of monkeys about 12 pages apart.

all american

I was milliseconds away from turning off the TV. I had had one ear on Family Guy while I straightened up my room, and I never watch American Dad, so I was just about to switch it off when the following scenario took place: The Dad was in some sort of spring-break party scenario, when he told a drunken chick she had to leave. Then she said to him something like "first can I hang off your arm and swing like a monkey?!" At which point he put up his arm and she swung from it and made the appropriate sounds. The TV is now off and I'm going to get in bed with a book!

OH but wait! I just remembered from Saturday Night Live last night, in the first skit, which would make this one of yesterday's monkey's: the set-up is that 3 super nerdy nerds walk into a sports bar on Superbowl Sunday and are dismayed to find that they cannot sit down. But they make the best of it and stand over to one side, at which point one of them offers the other some mints, but they are actually ecstasy tablets. At this point the skit could have turned really super funny, but they dropped the ball. Anyway, before that, one of the nerdy nerds makes a weirdo comment, then the other says, "Why Jean, you little funky junky joker monkey!"

tart?

Click image to enlarge. http://www.resplendentchaos.com/engrish_poetry/

BONUSES!

This is from an e-mail I got today about a bargain-basement sale coming up this weekend in which local designers and shops unload last years goods for cheap cheap cheap. Yeah I'm going. I clicked the link to see a list of vendors. This one was at the top.

AND, here is the poster I forgot from the other nite:

The cartoons are alive with the sound of Monkeys

Third day in a row the Oregonian has come through. Like I've mentined, I read the paper on my lunch break, but I stopped reading the funnies several years ago because, wait for it... they stopped being FUNNY. Then, at some point, the O started carrying Bizarro by Dan Piraro (there it is, right above Jumble. does anyone under the age of 82 even do the Jumble?). That I do read. It is usually, well, bizarre. and funny. Please note how pleased I am that two out of five stomps shown in his collection are dinosaurs! Yay!

Also, tonight I watched the Simpsons while eating dinner, and it was the episode where Homer starts smoking medical marijuana to help him with his "glaucoma." Marge catches him, of course, and in the course of defending himself to her he says, "I could walk up to the president and blow smoke in his stupid monkey face." OBVIOUSLY this episode was made during the Bush presidency...

dangit

well, today at lunch I saw this article in the actual, physical newspaper, which I had planned to scan when I got home with the copy that gets delivered to the house. But today there was no paper! Which means that there is no NYT Crossword to do before bed... For the purposes of this blog, there is the internet: http://www.oregonlive.com/business/oregonian/index.ssf?/base/business/123309510958200.xml&coll=7 And for the purposes of lulling me to sleep, there are books, of course. But I am at such a good part in the book I'm reading that it will not lull me to sleep, it will keep me up for hours! ahh well... And I do need to go to sleep, so I will have to post the monkey posters from last night tomorrow. if I remember.

a busy day!

From today's paper, Thanks Oregonian, even though 90% of the time, you really suck as a newspaper. And also today, the movie "Monkeyshines" came up in a conversation. why? why... why? it was a trivial pursuit, I guess. Then later there were two different posters on my friend's wall, only one of which I got a picture of, which was a monkey with headphones on. The other one, which I forgot to take a picture of before I left, had a great drawing of a flying monkey. I'll post the one tomorrow, for now I must Sleep.

context, people

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2DxyAGzGxM&feature=related
Something reminded me today of the movie Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, so when I got home I looked up some clips on youtube. I love youtube. Anyway, there in the sidebar was a clip from Clerks II, which I still have not seen, but now I've seen 3 minutes of it! and despite it's nefarious undertone (and lesson), it still basically fits for the blog.

on the radio, oh wa oh oh oh

I have the fantastic "job" of painting some fantastic dinosaurs in the wee little two-year-old's new room. While laying out the design, I listened to some talk radio (KPOJ Portland!) before switching to music. You see, it just makes sense to listen to the radio while doing painting projects, because changing CD's once an hour is a pain, and I don't have an ipod. And classic rock just seems to GO very well with painting walls. and so does beer.

While I was listening to the people talk about politics and President Obama (EEEEEEEEEEEE! so stoked to say that), these two phrases came up within about 45 minutes of each other:

"...they wanted to throw a monkey wrench into the works."

"...at least we didn't get attacked by flying monkeys."

hangin' tough

Ah, so, there was NOT ONE MONKEY yesterday. HOW DISAPPOINTING! However, tonight I was treated to some much-needed monkey fun whilst being Aunty to my wee little favoritest 2-yr old in the world. First, one of her library books featured a picture of a sock monkey in the context of holding some sort of cabinet position in a Madame President scenario. I meant to borrow the book and scan the pic tonite, but I'll have to do it tomorrow. It will explain itself. Then, before I left, I espied hanging from the metal window hinge this fine creature with MAGNETS inside the hands (aforementioned wee 2 yr old took off with the analagous tiger friend with same magnet paws).

HONESTLY, it's about time I admitted this:

Let me hereby recognize that if 1) I did not have kid friends, 2) I worked in a non-media/ad/pr/marketing/front desk job and 3) i did not watch any tv or listen to any radio and 4) lived under a rock, then, well, yes, I would probably have a lot less monkey incidents.

As it is, though. I'm still pretty convinced of my premise. Two days with no monkey out of almost a month is not a bad record. There are no other animals like monkeys and apes that make more appearances in media, language, pop culture, literature, music and just general consciousness.
.
If there IS, then by all means please tell me about it!

Evolution

Here's how it happened: I logged on to a local art blog, there was a link to artofobama.com, which I had never heard of, and which is AWESOME, btw, and as I looked at some of the posts, there was this one. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! So stoked that it is NOW and not THEN anymore.

I'll get you, my pretty!

Usually the Oregonian gets delivered at work, and usually I read it on my lunch break. However, today the paper was NOT THERE! Consarn you architects on the second floor, I KNOW you kyped my paper!... Therefore I was left to my own devices to scrounge through the offices to find an appropriate soup distraction. There, on a shelf in one of the creatives' office, was an issue of NYLON from November. And that, I suppose would do just fine, because there, on page whatever, was this fashiony update that I (but not this blog!) could have done without.
..
U
HAPPY INAUGURATION DAY EVERBODY! AREN'T YOU SO STOKED!!

A hair by any other color would smell like chocolate.

I was beginning to think this was wrong on so many levels, a small ad banner from yet another blog today at work. I didn't do the best screen capture (I AM supposed to be WORKING at work, right), so when I uploaded it just now and gave it another look, I totally thought it was an ad for HAIR COLOR! You know, a deep brown shade called Supreme Dark Chocolate! Color level 72! All Natural! Oh dear, I looked at it again on the actual blog and was very relieved to see it is an ad for, YES, Supreme Dark Chocolate CHOCOLATE. Come on, though, the packaging seems just like hair color, doesn't it?!? I see those packages out of the corner of my eye when I shop for shampo. For my delightfully salted pepper hair. NO dyes for me, thank you.

If you build it, they will come

Another gem from work: a blog entry about the Build-A-Bear Workshop game for Wii! I guess you can build other animals besides bears, like Marvelous Monkey!!

Saturday and Sunday all in one?

There were monkeys abound at a friend's parents' place! An AWESOME place, a veritable menagerie inhabited the house, beautiful antique toys and objects in nooks and crannies all over the place. And the party went from late Saturday nite to past midnight, so technically some of these monkeys may have come from today. FUN!

ooo-ooo-ooo-AAAH-AAAH-AAAH!

Gotta love galleryoftheabsurd.com. There's a link on there for how to turn a picture of yourself into one that looks like that Shepherd Fairy Obama poster. Well, I dug around in the "animal" section of this awesome blog, and LO and BEHOLD was this fabulous image. Simply twisted and fantastic!

Bulk discount

Yet again, in my weird job, I was required to do a screen capture for one of the PR clients. This time it was from a PDF of a Canadian magazine called Yummy Mummy (insert loud groaning and vomit sounds). The screen capture (on maybe page 2) was for one of the video game clients, but I scrolled down thru the pages out of curiosity. The cover article was about this woman who does hand-painted murals and here, from page 4 or 5, is a rather crappy screen capture of one of her murals called (more sounds here): "Monkey Mommies." Well, I had to go onto her website after that, and really this woman's work is very decent--I'm sure she makes gobs more money than I do--At any rate, the first image that came up on her site was this:

hardly working

In today's paper! This is below the fold on the business section. I opened it up because I thougtht I recognized the bar in the picture...

Actually, my December kicked ASS.

Tonight while I did my dinner dishes I listened to a mix tape I made a VERRRRRRY long time ago (in the eighties!! shhh!). I used to make tapes from songs off the radio, from a really cool station in Dallas, TX (yes, it has long since folded) and they've held up extremely well and I still listen to them (though my favorite one has gone missing). I'm sure I've listened to this tape a hundred or more times, but not since I started this blog, and the third line of this song never really stood out to me until now!

it's catching on again!

Awesome--this was in my e-mail inbox today when I got home. I do not remember getting on their e-mailing list, or ever having even gone there, but they did come up in an earlier post (Jan 4).

whew, I was gettin' worried about them monkeys

This kiddo's picture is on a blog that I came across as part of the work I do for the PR dept. at work. The person who has this blog was reviewing a video game that is made by one of our clients, and here is as much of the picture as I want to print without getting in trouble. I don't know how to contact that person to ask their permission to use the picture. What you can't see is that he is wearing a bright orange t-shirt and his arms are raised like he's jumping and he is missing his front teeth. A real cutie-patootie and has probably earned his nick-name fair and square.